He Said “Trust Me”

Wow, we’ve been on a wild ride these past 4 weeks! We’re feeling incredibly blessed beyond what words can describe. I think God is now showing off and to Him be all glory! Read all the way to the end for the full story…

As I briefly mentioned in my last post, back in early October, as we sat with a realtor and our hopes to potentially sell our house were dashed (with bad market conditions), I felt a crushing weight come over me. I felt panicked, distraught, & confused. What were we going to do? Right in the midst of the panic, I felt a still, small whisper of “Trust Me”. It just washed over me. I’m not one to claim I’ve heard the voice of God often (or ever really), but I knew it was from Him.

“Trust Me” He said. I’ve got this. Don’t worry.

However, I’m a planner, especially with something as logistically intense as a major move. I want/need to have a plan in place. But we have been trying our best to let things happen. To trust that God has it all under control. I’ve been leaning a lot on that still, small “Trust Me” whisper that I heard 3 months ago.

Over the Christmas holiday, we put in an application for a condo to rent. It was nice, had been on the market for 82 days, and we were so happy to have one major decision nailed. Two days later, we got an email from our realtor saying that there had been a competing application & they chose the other people. After 82 days on the market, someone else turns in an application at the same time that we do?! Again, I panicked. What were we going to do now and we’re so far away… [Read more about that story in the post "Some Perspective From Above the Clouds"]

Somehow, in the midst of going up to VA for an incredibly busy training week at IJM, I was able to go see one more condo. It was in the same building complex as the other. Long story short, it was beautiful, everything is newly upgraded, and it was the next floorplan up in size. It is 6 miles from work, and right on a metro line. I filled out an application on the spot with the landlord. A few days later we got word that it was ours! I’m convinced that we’re getting it for about $500 less per month than what it could be going for. An amazing deal!

We thought the first condo was good, and panicked when it fell through, but God said “Hold on. Trust me. I’ve got something far better for you.” Yes He did!

A week and a half ago we had gotten word from our property manager that we had renters for our house. They even turned in the security deposit in cash. I cried a little bit that day, in joy! But over a week later, we still couldn’t get a signed lease from them. Details got sketchy and even when they thought they had faxed in the lease, our property manager never got it. We were so frustrated and just wanted it to be finished.

But again, God said “Wait. Trust me. I’ve got something far better for you.”

On Saturday, another couple came to look at our house. Today, we signed papers and got two large checks! They signed a 2 year lease with an option to buy at a price that would let us walk away from the house. And in this market, that is the absolute best case scenario that we could hope for! In 2 years the man plans to buy the house in cash, which means we won’t have to pay realtor’s fees either! If he doesn’t choose to buy in 2 years, we keep their $5000 that they handed us today. He plans to handle all repairs and, since they eventually want to buy it, they will take excellent care of it. As if it could get any better, he just decided to go ahead & pay us the first 6 months rent!! What?!

This is ridiculous! I’m still in shock.

To God be all the glory for the great things He has done!

Lord, I am sorry when I doubt, when I panic, when I grow anxious. I am sorry when I try to take control. You always know what is best & we praise you for these answered prayers!

We are definitely not promised that things will be easy. It is not a given for those who follow Christ.

We are feeling beyond blessed and grateful today for these amazing gifts of grace!

We get to leave this week knowing that we have a place to move to and someone who will take good care of our house here. What a huge sigh of relief!

If you would, please continue to pray for Cason – that God would bring him to the perfect job for him.

“We give thanks to You, O God, we give thanks!
For Your wondrous works declare that Your name is near.”
~Psalm 75:1

 

A Life Less Comfortable

It is often fear that holds us back from taking a leap of faith. Fear of the unknown, fear of failure, fear of change…

When Cason & I started seriously considering this leap of faith, it was that fear of change that kept sneaking up on me, infusing me with doubts. We have a very comfortable life here in Nashville. In fact I wrote a post called “This Comfortable Life” early last spring (you can read it here), as I was wondering what God was really asking for from our lives.

In making this leap, we’ll go from our lovely, suburban 3 bedroom house with a small yard to a much downsized apartment in “the city”. Money will be much tighter (do you know what cost of living is like up there?). I’ll go from wearing jeans to work to wearing suits everyday. My commute will be much more brutal. If I choose to ride the metro, I’ll have to give up my sense of personal space & convenience. We’ll have to find a new church, make new friends. Cason is giving up his job here and has to find something new. I’m giving up a job that I’ve been very comfortable in for a number of years now for one that will definitely challenge & stretch me in every way I can foresee.

A lot of the above things are superficial, but it’s true that our lives are about to completely change. Even when that change is good, change is still scary.

There have been several instances along the way the last couple of months where I’ve stopped and half-jokingly said “Let’s just stay here where we’re comfortable.” Finding a place to live is too hard, finding renters for our house here is too hard, finding Cason a job is too hard. Saying goodbye to friends, co-workers, & our church is too difficult. Let’s just stay where we’re comfortable…

A short story… On the day we met with a realtor to start looking into whether we could sell our house, we learned that we had lost so much value that we’d have to take a huge check to the table to even get rid of our house. I panicked. What if this meant we couldn’t go. That weekend I felt entombed in our house. This house we had so enjoyed for 5 years had now become a heavy burden. I decided that weekend that I don’t want to be held back because of my material possessions. If that’s what keeps me from a God-given dream, then yikes.

God does not call us to be comfortable. Personal comfort is definitely not mentioned anywhere in the Bible. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. God requires everything from His followers.

We can’t play it safe in this life. Without risk, there is no great adventure. No chance for God’s glory to be revealed.

So I still have twinges of wanting to stay where I feel safe & comfortable, but I know that a God-sized adventure is waiting for us just around the corner!

Bring on this life less comfortable!

Caught Between Two Worlds

So January 2012 is flying by. I’ve had every intention of writing more. There are so many things going on that I’ve wanted to write about, but it’s that same number of crazy things that keep me too busy to write.

Here’s just a taste:

Week of January 1st – I worked at Thomas Nelson, lived at home in Nashville and worked toward all of the logistics that moving requires – finding a place to live, getting our house listed for rent, etc.

Week of January 8th – I went up to Arlington, VA, where I lived in a hotel for a week and dove into new employee training week at International Justice Mission.

Week of January 16th – Back in Nashville, I’m working my final week at Thomas Nelson. Booking moving trucks, one-way plane tickets, & the car shipper.

Week of January 23rd – Still in Nashville, but will be working full-time now for IJM, from home.

Week of January 30th – I will work for IJM from Nashville to start the week. The movers come to pack us up. I fly out on the 2nd and move into the new place in Alexandria, VA on the 3rd.

It’s getting out of hand. Just as a kicker, my last class for my MBA program also started this month. I’m starting to feel like a professional juggler.

Two jobs, two homes, two different lives…

Alexandria/IJM – A new job to learn, challenges to face, a whole new city to explore & conquer, new co-workers to meet…

Nashville/Thomas Nelson – A job to wrap up, wonderful co-workers to say goodbye to, a life to pack up, a house to rent, soaking up time with amazing friends and having to say goodbye to way too many…

I feel completely caught between two worlds.

I had an amazing week at International Justice Mission last week. I could write an entire post (or 4) on just everything I experienced and learned. I’m so excited for all that is in store!

But I’m starting to also go through a grieving process for my life here in Nashville. I’ve found myself way more emotional than normal. It’s hard to say goodbye. I’ve been so comfortable here for so long. This is the longest I’ve been in any one place, ever – 6.5 years. [I don't count Clarksburg, MD, where I grew up, simply because I changed schools every 3 years or so.] I’ve been at the same job, in the same town for 6 years now. It’s not easy to wrap up into a tidy bow.

So I find myself getting emotional at random times these days – singing a random hymn in church on Sunday, sharing a last lunch together with a dear friend, hugging a co-worker goodbye today. I feel like I’m starting to have to say goodbye to someone every day now.

After spending last week away at IJM, as I flew back into Nashville on Saturday, I had this very strange feeling of “I don’t belong here anymore,” and that was strange. God, who has been planning this for our lives since before we were born, has been preparing us for this for a while now. He’s been slowing pulling up different roots, one at a time. I know it’s time to go, but that doesn’t necessarily make it any easier.

An exciting journey lies ahead, but I have a life to say goodbye to here also. There’s a season for everything though, right…

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:

a time to be born and a time to die,
     a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,   
     a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,   
     a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
     a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
     a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
   a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
   a time for war and a time for peace.

 ~Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

For now, I’m living life caught between two worlds.

Some Perspective from Above the Clouds

Moving is not glamorous, and it is definitely not easy. There are so many logistics to figure out that I can easily get overwhelmed these days. 

We spent much of our Christmas vacation trying to find a place to live in N. Virginia. It’s been a huge shock to the system what the cost of living is there. What we pay right now for our mortgage, for a lovely 3 bedroom house with a small yard in Nashville, would not even get us a tiny studio apartment in one of the bad parts of town. So that has been a huge adjustment. 

We did turn in an application on the Thursday after Christmas for a nice, little condo to rent. It had been on the market for 82 days and we were excited to have found an answer to at least one of our unanswered questions. The excitement did not last long, however. Two days later we got an email from the realtor saying there was a competing application and the owner chose the other couple. I was sent into a spiral of disappointment and panic. We were already back in Nashville. How would we find a place now? 

After I finished my moping, I pulled myself together as we decided that that must not have been the place where God wanted us. There must be something better. With a month still go to before moving, we decided to try our best to be patient and wait. Easier said than done, for me at least... 

The last couple of days have been kind of tough. I’ve started to really feel the clocking ticking on this move. I’m feeling more emotional about leaving our friends, our house, and everything else I deem comfortable. We have yet to find a place to live. We have yet to find renters for our house in Nashville. We have yet to find Cason a job. Without a place to live, we can’t arrange our movers or decide on a definite timeline. Without securing two jobs, we don’t know exactly what we can afford in rent. And without renters for our house in Nashville, we don’t know how long we’ll have to carry a mortgage and rent. It’s all very “chicken & the egg”. And it’s all just a little bit stressful.

As I type this, I’m on a plane to DC. I will be spending the week at International Justice Mission, for new employee training. It will be a jam-packed week of deep dive information, everything from spiritual foundations of the company, to human resources info, to the Child Protection Act, to spiritual warfare. We’re scheduled in sessions all day, Monday through Friday. I’m very excited about starting the learning process and meeting other people there. I’ve also been told that I’ll be brain-dead by the time it’s over each day.

But, all of that to say, I’m on this plane… It has been kind of gloomy in Nashville this weekend, weather-wise – kind of epitomizing how I’ve been feeling (as it relates to all of the overwhelming logistics). All of a sudden we just lifted above the clouds and it caught me off guard to see the sunshine and blue sky. Like where did that come from. It was beautiful and I literally just felt like a weight lifted off of me. I felt this sense of “it’s going to be okay, just keep trusting Me. 

Yes, it will be okay. Everything in due time. In God’s time. We are sure that this is God’s plan for us and He will see it all through. Down to the last detail. We’re not promised that it will be easy, but we do know that it’s all going to work out.

It’s nice to find some perspective in unexpected places. For now, I’ll sit back and enjoy the sun and beautiful view from up here.

And so, the adventure continues…

Embracing 2012

2011 was okay. It certainly had its ups and downs. Nothing catastrophic, but it definitely had its disappointments and hard parts. For various reasons, we both really felt like we’ve been in a season of winter, for a while now. Winter being defined as a time to be still, quiet, a time to focus on being nourished and preparing for whatever lies ahead. We’ve been restless.

I actually started off 2011 with some thoughts that now seem so relevant. In my post Jan 3rd, 2011 post, “Thoughts for the New Year“, I wrote:

…Before God reveals to us our grand life purpose, he has some testing and refining to do in us. I feel like I am in a season of testing and refining, and this is definitely part of that. I want to be ready when called upon… to be trusted with my grand life purpose. Much of that means that I need to be a better disciple.

You could say that in many ways, 2011 was a year for preparation, even though we didn’t know what exactly we were preparing for. Well, we have a little better idea now, but there are still so many unanswered, big questions.

So in the spirit of picking one word to focus on for the new year, I’m claiming the word Embrace for 2012.

Embrace:
1) to take or receive gladly or eagerly; accept willingly: to embrace an idea or challenge.
2) to avail oneself of: to embrace an opportunity.

In 2012 we will move cross country, I will start an amazing new job, Cason will find/start a new job where hopefully he can thrive in his area of passion, we’ll make some drastic lifestyle changes, I’ll finish my MBA that I’ve been working on for almost 4 years, we’ll find our new place of ministry/service… and that’s all mainly now through May. I have no idea what May through December will hold.

I want to focus on embracing this new season of life, with all of the challenges, obstacles, and opportunities that come with it.

I want to:

• Embrace the obstacles we’re experiencing right now as a way to grow in our faith and put our full trust in God’s plan for us.
• Embrace the opportunity to live a new adventure, to meet new people, experience new places.
• Embrace the challenge of a new job (in a new industry) with an organization that does amazing, life-altering work.
• Embrace the difficult times ahead that will inevitably come with all of these new challenges, again, as a means to grow us personally, professionally, emotionally, & spiritually.
• Embrace a new season of life and see how God will use us in it.

I am full of emotions about everything that lies before us. Emotions that can generally shift from one day to the next. But overall, I’m excited to see what 2012 has in store.

So here’s to embracing all that is to come!

What’s your One Word for 2012?